


Unsound

by chayethoughts



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Male Character, Unrequited Love, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 01:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12923985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chayethoughts/pseuds/chayethoughts
Summary: Hanbin is a mess and Jiwon might not have enough thread to stitch him piece by piece





	Unsound

_Pitch black, pale blue._

 

My world was slowly falling into darkness and then there’s you; Like a small hope that illuminates in the dark, but you’re too far. 

 

Or maybe I was just afraid to walk and have you within reach. 

 

I was in pieces in that cafe when you first put that cup of coffee in front of me and settled yourself in the seat next to me.

 

I don’t even drink coffee, but I drank it along with the comfort of your companion I never asked for. 

 

“By the looks of it, you’re probably broken. What happened?” 

 

Your voice sounded rough, but comforting and I didn’t know I never had a thing for soft voices.

 

“That’s something you don’t ask to a stranger.” 

 

I reply as I drink the coffee, the liquid tastes so bitter in my tongue. 

 

“Well then, what’s your name?” 

 

I don’t really give my name to anyone easily, but you were an exception.

 

“Hanbin.” 

 

I realized I haven’t even gave you a single glance, so I did. A sunny smile was plastered on your face, it was so bright my eyes hurt. 

 

“That’s a nice name. I’m Jiwon.” 

 

You were too bright I had to look away. I escape talking by taking a sip on the coffee. It just burns my sanity, why am I even drinking it?

 

“So now we know each other’s names. Mind telling me what happened?” 

 

I would if I won’t see you anymore after this, but there’s no point either. I just drank your coffee and I even gave you my name.

 

“I lost someone.” 

 

The words taste bitter like the coffee. I heard you hum in pity.

 

“A lover?” 

 

It was a simple question but it had the power to overwhelm me with the emotions I’ve been trying to dodge this whole time.

 

“Yes.” 

 

You didn’t speak after that. I was glad, but I somehow wanted to hear your voice again.

 

“He left without a word. I don’t know where he is now, he just left me hanging.” 

 

I haven’t had anyone to open up to. I didn’t have any friends and then you came. And I had to grab the chance. 

 

_ To keep me sane. _

 

But I didn’t expect your hand on my shoulder. The warmth of it felt like fire burning against my skin, even through the layers of fabric. 

 

I regretted opening up right then.

 

“I’m really bad at comforting people, but I’ll try. I thought you looked beautiful when I saw you and so I took the chance to get to know you. Would you fancy a walk?”

 

You were expectant and it was hard to say no. So, I nodded and let you take my hand; letting you drag me anywhere you want. 

 

**_That’s the first time you made me feel scared of my own heart._ **

  
  
-

 

**_The second time was when I let you accompany me almost every day._ **

  
  


Everything felt like a blur and before I even know it, I found myself sticking to you. I let you struggle to stitch me piece by piece but I guess you didn’t have enough thread. 

 

I wondered if you also have no friends, but who am I kidding. Of course you have, but you just chose to be with me. 

 

I already know what that means, but being the coward that I am, I convinced myself that it wasn’t like that. 

 

Not because I had doubts about your feelings. 

 

But because I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

  
-

 

**_The third time was when you showed up in my front door with flowers in your right hand._ **

 

You handed it to me with a wide smile. I accepted it with pursed lips. 

 

“Flowers for my most favorite person.” 

 

All I could utter was a small thanks. How could I possibly tell you that even those flowers terrify me? 

 

You scare me because you’re genuine and honest while I’m all sadness and lies.

 

“You like them?” 

 

“Yes. They’re really lovely.”

 

“Well, do you like me?” 

 

I knew I stared at you for too long, memorizing all your lines and edges. And then I nod.

 

“Of course, you’re my friend.” 

 

That’s all I could say when I know that’s not what you mean, and I remember seeing the hint of disappointment in your face you tried too hard to hide with a smile. 

 

“Of course.” 

 

And I felt bad. I wanted to tell you that ‘ _ Yes. I like you.’ _

 

But I didn’t know how to tell you that the past still hangs onto me and I can’t let it go. 

  
  
-

 

**_The fourth time was when I let you kiss me in that alley we came across, both intoxicated with alcohol._ **

 

Your lips felt hot and your warmth spread fast into every nerve of my body like wildfire. I know I should have stopped you then, but I was drunk and I wanted more. 

 

I wanted more of you that it scared me and I knew I had to distance myself. 

 

Because you’re a masterpiece made up of warm bright smiles and soft eyes and I never felt so afraid touching someone so beautiful. 

  
-

 

**_The last time was when you finally blew up, laying your heart in the open._ **

 

“I love you. Why can’t you realize that?” 

 

You were crying and I didn’t have an answer to that, because I realized it even before you did.

 

“I’m sorry, Jiwon. I can’t do this to you. I still love him.” 

 

But that last part was a lie. 

 

“Why? Why can’t it be me? Why can’t you move on? Was it so hard to love me back?” 

 

No, it’s not that. 

 

“I don’t know, Jiwon. I don’t know.” 

 

And I cried along with you, letting my tears blur my vision and yet you still looked beautiful.

 

“I’m the one who’s here, Hanbin. I was here the whole time, but why can’t you see me the same way I see you? I am willing to give you myself, Hanbin.” 

 

Nothing felt more painful than seeing your tears fall instead of your sunny smile.

 

“I’m sorry, Jiwon.” 

 

Soft eyes turned cold and I know that’s the last time I’m going to see you. So, I let you walk away. 

 

Because I don’t have the bravery to claim someone so beautiful and then break them even more.

 

And the truth you will never know is that I do want to have you. 

 

But you’re still a masterpiece made up of warm bright smiles and soft eyes and I don’t deserve you. 

 

An _d you will never know how much I wanted to love you, I just didn’t know how._

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song: Neptune - Sleeping at Last
> 
> Hi! It was a long time since I posted the second chapter of Collided Galaxies and now I'm stuck with the third one. This is just something I wrote to post something. I don't know when I will be updating that other story. Thank you for reading! Feedbacks/Comments are very much appreciated.


End file.
